I think the thing that scares me most other than worry and fear for you, is that now...I'm really without you. Thomas. You're not here. You're not looking down on me. You're not watching. I can't talk to you and know you'll hear it. I can't type a private message to myself here and know you'll hack in to my account like you always do because I can't keep a secret from you if I tried, which apparently includes passwords. I can't know I'll see you tomorrow, or next week, or if I need you soon..I won't see you then. I don't know when I'll see you next. And when I do, I don't know how you'll be.
I'm terrified because I know what those arseholes are doing to you. And I can't do a thing about it. I have to sit here and wait. I didn't want this. I don't want it. I hate it.