Abby asked me a question I rather hadn't thought about until then. She wanted to know how it happened that Thomas is now alive and I am quite mortal. I just spoke to Rolf. He says I sacrificed my immortality to give life to someone who was clearly already needed because he had already been brought here by an angel.
I didn't know I was doing it. I didn't know it was possible, and from what I understand, if you do know it's possible, that makes it impossible which is why Rolf never told me to begin with. But I asked Thomas to come and stay with you all while I was gone in Romania, because so much was happening and I wanted someone here to take care of things.
He was standing in front of me and he was talking about Adrian and love, and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be if he could be here for Adrian all the time. And then I started thinking about Thomas' family. And how everyone would benefit from Thomas' presence. I...have to admit to also thinking that it wasn't fair that I was the one left alive and he was the one who was dead because sometimes I feel he has so much more to give...but clearly that doesn't matter anymore anyway. I just kept thinking that London could use a Thomas Littleton full time. And that I would give anything to make it happen. For people to be happier and safer and to have a Thomas full-time...it wasn't even about me, which I think is the point. It was about all of you.
So I didn't do it on purpose. I was just musing. Apparently idle musing isn't always as idle as we think it is. I don't regret it. Of course I don't. I would have died to give Thomas his life again. This, I think, is much more acceptable.