My wife has apparently decided that what I really needed to do was to go see a circus with clowns and dancing animals in it. I am terrified of clowns and dancing animals. Sure, most of it was to benefit the children, but she said she wanted me to have fun too. And THEN the clown re-enacted a terrifying memory from my childhood when he sprayed me with water from a flower. In my mind-numbing fear of clowns and germs (you don't know where that water's been!) I screamed, "watch your fucking pansy piss you red-nosed cunt!"
And then there was silence and the audience looked at me like I had just committed murder in front of all of them and I had to leave. Apparently, if you want me to use language in front of my children which I most certainly do not utter under normal circumstances, and behaviour I would consider abominable for the most part, just put me face to face with a clown.