November 8th, 2006

To Cry, Grief

Filtered to David, Aly and Deirdre

Bianca was one of the sweetest young women I've ever met. She reminded me a lot of Margaret. Or what Margaret would have been like at 23. I can't believe she's gone. I just met her and I didn't even know I had cousins and then all of a sudden these two amazing women enter my life and god I loved them. Love them. I still have Kat. But Bianca wasn't part of this. She shouldn't have had to go that way. I missed out on knowing her for so many years and now it's over and all we had were a few months. It's not fair. The world is being deprived of a beautiful human being. I've helped people work through their grief before...I've worked through my own grief numerous times. Some more successful than others. But I don't know how to begin with this one. I feel partially responsible and I hate that I spent so much time with others and not with her and I didn't know her as well as I should have. With Margaret I lost my innocence. With my parents I lost my voice for years. I shut myself off from anything and everything. With Thomas, I lost my faith. What can I lose now?

How do I do this? Please help me?
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable