March 5th, 2007

To Cry, Grief

To those in the know

I just dreamt about it. What happened in that shelter. I was in the cabinet that Razvan called our coffin and it felt so real. Everything. The pain and the smell and I couldn't move. And I couldn't wake David up. I tried and tried and he wouldn't answer. That actually happened, but he answered after a few minutes. It was terrifying. In the dream, he never answered. And then...I was in what I think was Nova Prata and Dr. Stephen Bailey was there. He was hurting Rosa. I don't know why. I don't know what it means. It might be nothing, but it might be that he's there. I'll know if I dream of it again. If he's there to mess with her somehow...well we'll deal with that then. For now, she's safe curled up on the sofa with Cardinal Sin who shouldn't BE on the sofa, but she doesn't seem to understand why he shouldn't be allowed.

I'm getting distracted. After seeing Stephen, I was back in the cabinet. I saw David in the fading light. He was dead. Decaying and right beside me. And I screamed and tried to get out but I couldn't. Apparently I was screaming and flailing about in my sleep because I woke up with Thomas on top of me, holding me down so I wouldn't hurt my wrist more. He and Aly were telling me to wake up. I was too terrified to even enjoy the fact that they were both there. But they were wonderful. They managed to calm me down. I think I'm alright now, if a little shaky.

I think it's safe to say though, I'm completely traumatised, and too afraid to sleep again.
  • Current Mood
    worried worried