Lavannah and David, can you come help me? I saw Katherine in my bathroom and I don't want her stuck here. I didn't think about it! I didn't think that she's stay because she wanted so much to go so why wouldn't she go all the way, you know? But I should have thought about it and I didn't. I should have but I didn't.
Can you come? Can you help her, Lavannah? I should have helped her but I can't any more. You can. Will you please help her because I can't see her in the mirror anymore. I can't do that. It's not right. Please?
Okay, uhm...here's what's going on with me. I went in to the hospital this afternoon for a CAT scan and there was a shadow on the printouts. Abby and then a neurologist both said they believe it to be a brain tumor. It's relatively large and it's been affecting me since early June. I thought the headaches were stress related. I didn't realise. And then I was too drunk to notice.
Anyway...I'm going in for a biopsy on Monday and we'll find out what exactly it is then. I've been told that most of my treatment options are sort of pointless as most of them are a stall and someone like me probably shouldn't be prolonging things like this when it's best to get it over with. And I can't risk radiation with Baby Thomas and Rasputina and the new baby. So pretty much it's a wait it out sort of deal. And I need you all to know because it's likely that I might start acting weird, or saying the wrong things. I might call you the wrong names. It doesn't mean I don't love you. I do. But Abby says the tumor is affecting the frontal lobe and that messes with memories and speech amoung other things. Today I was seeing things. I know it will be hard. It's hard for me too. But the thing to remember is that I'll be okay after it's all over. I will be.
And that brings me to something else. Because I will be okay, that probably means that people who don't understand my 'situation' can't know about this. Because they won't understand why I'll be sick and then miraculously get better. It's unfortunate, and I don't want to keep it from people, but I don't wish to freak them out either. Liz...I think it's time maybe someone explained things to Emma. If she wants to hear, of course. I don't want to keep this from her unless it's necessary. Emma is family.
I can't think of anything else to say. I'm going to get pretty sick, but that doesn't mean you can't still call me if you need me. Even if I can't help, I'll know someone who can. Okay?