August 20th, 2007

To Cry, Grief

To Those in the Know

Right. I'm calmer now. Look at me be calm. Lydia and I talked more today. It seems it really was a once off thing. She didn't want to talk to me about it because she didn't know how sick I was yet. And she wanted to understand what her mother went through so she...well that' already know. The thing is that she wasn't out to hurt herself, she wanted to understand what dying felt like. Because she knows she can't...and that's why she did it. And she succeeded too. And no I don't really want to talk about that, but if you do...I can, I suppose. I told her that if she had talked to me about all this in the first place it could have been avoided and now she's going to see a psychologist. Because she is right and eventually I won't be able to help and she clearly needs it. She hid this...really well. I haven't been spending any less time with them at fact I've been spending more time with them. I can't believe I didn't see it. But she's actually glad to be talking to a doctor. Which is a good sign. I think I just might do that too...

As for that previous entry...I'm really embarrassed about it. Bonsai make Peter crazy. But I'm leaving it there so people can see. That's what's it's going to be like. Me with the crazy. I'm sorry. I wish it weren't that way. I love you.
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