January 31st, 2008

Welcome to my hospital

To Those in the Know

You know that thing I do where I dream stuff and then it happens? Well. That hasn't been happening so much lately (beyond dreaming that The Firm was going to be on the telly last week...thanks, Brain...) but instead I've been dreaming the past. That used to happen a lot too. I dreamed of Thomas's death about twice a week until I saw him again and he called me a dummy for blaming myself. Now I'm seeing my mother. I don't know who knows and who doesn't...when I was 11, my older sister Margaret died of Leukemia. And when she died, my mother couldn't handle it and she (is probably going to yell at me for this) lost herself. She locked herself in my sister's room and the few times she did come out, she would say things like Margaret was looking so pretty today. Once she chased me through the house, demanding to know where I was keeping my sister. Which might sound amusing, but it wasn't when I was twelve. And when I was 14, my drunk of a father got in a wreck while he was off his head. And when he died, my mother killed herself. She hung herself from the ceiling in my sister's bedroom. And I found her. And I keep dreaming that. I haven't dreamt about it in years, and certainly not since her ghost started following Lavannah around. I've dealt with it, and she's back in my life now, in whatever very strange way... So why am I dreaming it?

I think they're trying to tell me something about now, but it doesn't help when they're so very unclear. And also...not so pleasant. Is there any way to read dreams? It future ones are usually pretty self-explanatory once I get through the dream metaphor. But these have me stumped. It's almost every night now. And driving me insane...r.
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