I'm still unable to write much with my hand, even though the cast is off. And I have many things on my mind, so I will return to this again.
There was an article in the paper yesterday about a woman who wrapped electrical tape around herself and jumped from a 12 story building. And she survived. I know there's no possible way she's human, and now the media is on to it, reporting this 'amazing miracle' as well as deciding the apocalypse is nigh. While I know that most people will look at the story and give it all the weight they give everything extraordinary reported in the media, it still scares me. What happens for the few people who do look at this young woman and think, 'there might be something to this?'. Will their world be shattered like mine was? Will they be terrified to learn that we're more alone than we thought we were, and yet not so alone at all? Or will they take it to mean that god does exsist? Will it be a false epiphany with false promises and false hope? Whatever way it goes, it's wrong. Things like this shouldn't be public knowledge. No one should see it and those that do should keep it silent.
That poor young woman. I don't know what made her choose this, but I want to be there for her. Of course that's made more difficult because I cannot walk and I am sure that I'll never be able to get close to her anyway now. I wonder if anyone actually cares about her in this, or if they're all after her for the story. For their false miracle? They're using this woman to give their lives meaning and it's wrong.
Thomas is doing what he can. He always does. He says it's like old times, having something to investigate except that I am much more bedridden than I was at the monastery. But he enjoys looking in to things and I know if he finds her, he'll do his best for her as well. He cares.
He told me yesterday that he'd do anything to keep me and my family safe. I know what he means. Svetlana is currently holed up in my house and he feels the only way to get her out is to lure her out by showing himself. He's calling himself Thomasbait which I don't find the least bit funny. I know that I could try to contain her in there, but it's my house, and I also know it won't hold her forever. I have to let my best friend face the woman that killed him so my family can be safe again? I hate that that is the choice. Not that Thomas is giving me the choice so much as choosing himself...and that is his right...but I hate it. It keeps me up at night. I know she can't kill him again, but I still fear for him.
I fear for everyone.
And I fear that there will never be a time when I do not.
This is what it means to know. This is why the media is wrong to report on this young woman. Because it means knowing what's out there. It means having innocent ignorance taken away and living in fear.
But I can't stop it.