Is it being happy that's made me weak like this? This never would have happened before. When I was a priest, her words would have had no effect. I didn't have anything to pick at. Nothing for them to use, except a daughter I never saw. Now I have a family and they're going to use it against me whenever possible. If I really want to do this, I'm going to have to be more like the person I was then, but I hated that person. He was unhappy and slightly grumpy, but he got things done. Was he a stronger person? In a year, I've gone from a highly respected member of the clergy who has the power to get things done...to a man who spends most of the time getting ribbons put in his har because it makes his daughters happy. And I would never trade one for the other, but maybe there's a lesson in this? Maybe I can't be both?
Or perhaps I can, but I'm going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than I currently am. I suppose the best thing to do is talk to Mia. I can learn about Caoilfhionn through her. I can return to Belfast again soon and try again. And keep trying. If I give up, I've learned nothing.
I'm going to dream that they're burning tonight. Perhaps it's better if I just don't sleep.