I know I won't always feel like this, but I want it to stop now. Now. I can't stand the fear. I hate feeling weak.
I miss having faith. I know that I know the truth now, and it's better this way. I love my family and I love my friends and I love my wife. But there's nothing to explain away the bad things. Nothing to explain why bad things happen. No one is working in mysterious ways. Shit is just shit. And I hate that. I hate that there's no reason for it. That girl that got taken didn't get taken so she would know that God loves her even in terrible situations. It just happened. Melissa wasn't taken from Deirdre to show the true meaning of friendship. No. An 18 year old girl's life was just ended. For nothing.
I know it's a lie, but sometimes I want that blind faith back more than I could ever say.
EDIT: Just so you know, David, that 'dirty talk' stuff was a joke....